Love

good ass weekends.

Friday: After being Cinderella, girl's night (: Ate at Elephant Bar and talked about our futures and what I should do. Fuck what my parents say and what they expect of me. Fuck boys that are stupid and can't carry out an intellectual conversation with you! HAHAHA. We went to Barnes and Nobles, I love book stores. And watched Due Date, so funny ^____^ "What? FUCK YOU!"

Saturday: Woke up and taught class, had a wonderful conversation with Jennine. For the first time I feel like the OLDER sister in the relationship instead of the baby. The wonderfulness of my life, Kevin, came to visit me. And we had a wonderful conversation about relationships. I'm glad he's okay(: Went with Marvin, Kelly, and Jeffrey to LA (China Town and Little Tokyo which I've never been to), and got myself a hookah. Well Jeffrey did ^_^ If you're reading this, you're the best ahahaha<3 Then went to Pasedina & snuck ourselves in to watch Black Swan, which was the trippiest, most insane movie ever. I guess if I were a guy I'd find it highly enjoyable at some parts... But then I ended the night w/ Kells & Jeffs eating my lumpia, and having yet another chill conversation w/ Steven and Tyler.

Sunday: Free ice skating, bowling, and food w/ Kelly and her family (: I didn't fall bahaha HELL YES. Went to Portos, and went shopping in Glendale Galleria which I've never been to. Resulted in me getting introuble by my mom and missing church. But I had a good cry in the back seat and I feel wonderful now ^_^ haha. Met this girl who thought I was 18, but she's hooking me up with a free tat(:

All in all. Great weekend. And I only wrote all the details down because my babes wrote me a letter the other day. And it reminded me of all that good ass sober fun we used to have...



I STILL REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY WANNA SEE THIS ^_^ can't wait till bubs comes.

A little

bit crazy. My life and my mind's been all over the place. But after this weekend I can really say I'm "organically happy".

I spent the most amazing carefree weekend with my family. The past times I've left for SF I'm always dreading the fact that I'm missing out back at home... But I realize that when I'm back at home I'm just missing out on my famly there.

It feels amazing to know that wherever I go; I can take a 7 hour drive and when I get there I'll receive the same amount of love, if anything more, than I have when I'm home.

If there's anything I realized it's that my life really is never lacking... There's always that sense of adventure. And I'm so blessed for it. Things don't always go my way so I can't pout about it... just gotta you know, DO SOMETHING.

My life's turning upside down, inside out... My ankle's healed now, and I think I am too.

How

far can a girl take it before she learns her lesson?

Get caught throwing a kickback
Die off of bud brownies
My first ticket and court date
Get caught lieing and get stitches for a cut open ankle
Get caught sneaking out the next day

And now I'm finally done.

Being stubborn gets me through alot. It helps me persevere through the hard times and get through with a smile on my face.

But at the same time it's gotten me into alot of trouble.

It was fun while it lasted, but reality has to drive by again. Except this time it crashed into me instead of gracefully stopping by.



Just gotta get through this best that I can, I'll be good (:



This'll keep me good for about two weeks. Hahaha.

It's

human nature. To want what you don't have. To take for granted what you do have. To want more, or to have less in some circumstances.

I miss old days.

I'm making the most of these days, and I kind of love it.

-Christianne Holly Santiago

I've

been great lately. I just miss my momma and I just want her to be happy too...

I had a pretty bomb ass weekend. Haven't had a truly successful one in a while. Branding iron game w/ kids in my own grade for once (: Then PSATS, Pho w/ Casey who'm a miss dearly, Hookah'd w/ my girlies at Becky's, & Montebello party. Oh what cute Jap boy instead of hitting up those Mexicans? HAHAHA jk.

I decided even though it's cuddle weather, I wanna stay single.



Alan showed me this, I'm gonna learn how to play it one day (: EVERY INSTRUMENT involved.

Mama

always knows best.

"You can't make up for being an asshole!"
directed towards my dad hahaha

I agree (: So if Jeffrey really did tell people we did that shit, I'ma try my hardest to be like my mom. And hold grudges and be a fucking dick to the person forever. Hahaha. See the difference is.. I don't know if that's physically or mentally possible for me to do that.

What bothered me is how nice I actually am to him. Friends my ass..

I believe in forgiveness, second chances, prosperity and the enhancement of relationships caused by mistakes and learning first..

Or maybe I'm just a lenient mother fucker.

Who knows who knows..



But this is song puts me in a good mood (:

Too much

for my little soul to handle right now.

How'd all this shinanigans start? It started with Knotts Scary Farm. And an idea: Hey guys, wouldn't it be fun to eat hash brownies while we went?

We put that shit into action. And I fucking died. I ended up eating about 2/3 of one. But FUCK that shit killed me. I don't remember anything from that night. Except Jeffrey collapsing on me and Kelly having this paranoid attack. But literally I had about 10 people texting me the next day asking if I was alright. Thank God I had friends there that cared enough about me to take care of me. And to let me fall asleep on them, Thanks Jacquez hahaha.

So I still feel high the next Saturday. And I sing at church and help teach at church partially high. Went to Pauline's and reunited with my old Dream Team partner, Alan. 5-0. But that's only cuz we ran out of alcohol. Played basketball. Had a bit of heart to heart talk with Chico. On the way to In&Out fucking 2 beautiful cars MADE THE FUCK OUT aka Jeffrey rear ended Chris' baby... After checking out the damage for a good half an hour & then eating.

Alright this is where the shit happens:
Jeffrey and I could of gone to Jared's cuz I got the address and Alan and Kelly telling me to go. But nope, for some reason we decided to stay on my hill, TWO HOUSES DOWN FROM MY HOUSES, till 1 in the morning. Until someone decides to call the cops on us -_____- They search us, call our parents, and my mom literally walks out of the house to come get me.

The end result: Fucking curfew ticket. My court date 6 days before my birthday. And a new 10oclock curfew.

PTL that my parent's love me hahaha. I'm not grounded.. I just have a 10oclock curfew. But I'm Holly.. So don't even trip :)



If there's anything I've learned this weekend:
-I'm done with weed. Too many bad trips in one month. Lawls Martinez and I are quitting buddies :)
-Park in front of my house next time
-Being a hoe ain't the way to go! hahaha.

By the way, I had ICE today. Haha after I missed it on Thursday and I should be suspended for it. Twasn't too bad actually. The suspension guy liked me (= hahah. I just texted the entire time.



I miss Matt.

-Holes

Adventures

are the best.

Started out with my daddy leaving to go pick up my mama from the airport. Then asked either Frank or Jeffrey I think if I should wait for my dad to leave and go running outside. Somehow Jeffrey and I decide to go running... And I decide to bring my ipod instead of my phone. So I go to the Chevron and he's not there and I'm like shit.. I either beat him, missed him, or went to the wrong gas station. And I'm kinda pissed cuz running by myself there was scary as FUCK. I literally sprinted my ass there HAHAHA. The lady was nice enough to let me use her phone, her name's Edith :) But I had to call Becky to call fucking Sam & Kelly just to get his number so I could call through the lady's phone. And Edith and I talked, she was super sweet. But when he got here we picked up the brownies... And the guy ended up telling him that he knew me. Probably one of Frank's brother's friends I'm pretty sure haha I like how they all remember me ^_^ We walk back to his house and I fail at riding his brother's fixie. Runnnnnnnn to Kelly's house and get freaked out by some creepy asian guy :( TRIED running home. TRIED. He wouldn't let me. And I ran faster than the dog.. Went back to my house to get my phone and feed his dog but my mom said she was around the corner.. which was a lie she didn't come till like 25 minutes later so we sprinted up fucking Barbados for no reason and we coulda visited Matt. Oh well... haha he failed at meeting my parents(x Then I think they got scared of his dog too...

But that's what fucking happened. And now I'm home finally resting. Actually a pretty fun way to end a crazy ass day :) I forgot I had a fucking Ice at school today -__- Mr. Cassell's loves me so he didn't suspend me bahah he gave me another chance. ^_^

Big Daddy Boss aka Mohammed's super nice. He's helping me keep my mind set on school so I don't stray. He helped me on my last 2 Alg tests :) Reminded me that setting things aside and blowing things off aren't worth it. Thanks Modaddy.

I could write a shitload more.... I'm just in that mood.




But I really wanna watch this ^_____^

I'm

a sucker for gay movies -_- Like I hate them with a passion. Cuz I'm really not a fan or romantic things and cuteness most of the time. But at the same time these movies just get to me. Surprisingly this is a good movie. I always end up watching these kinds of movies w/ J.lee and Kelly. But no lie I cried in the end bahaha.



So Jeffrey keeps insisting that he be my Alg2 tutor (x It's so random haha but tis sweet. Now all I need is a Spanish tutor!

-Mr. Solo Dolo

Found

a random Jap boy on youtube! Well my cousin did and was like "Hey Holly wanna see a cute asian?!" I told Saman that I wanted to make cute ass Jap babies HAHAHAHAHA. lawls jk :)

Lost

Cam's shorts -______- I didn't mind them being gone at first. But after he left I was like HOLY SHIT awesome. Good job. Fuck my dick. Piss on my face. Jizz on my life. Wonderful. HAHAHA something alone those lines. I know it's only a pair of shorts, but they were my favorite.

So I think it's funny how things reenact themselves as time goes by. Like how I used to be best friends with Kelly and then we drifted.. but now were like super close again (= But what's even more fucking random is how I'm getting closer to fucking Jeffrey HAHAHA. We didn't talk this much since like 7th grade. Were like complete opposites too.. I love love love love his dog.. and he's annoyed the frick out of it. Guess it just shows how friendships aren't really lost, broken etc. They're just wandering sometimes. Well for me at least.

Saw my best friend Kevin Esguerra today. Miss that stupid Filipino child. Oh yeah Dale calls and convinces me to go BACK to church to help out. So I go back. In 107 degree weather. Random Filipino people asking me how my parents are.. WTF?! hahaha and I guess I have some sort of a rep. now... Some guy in SLYM was like 'Oh I didn't think you'd be into any of this SLYM stuff... cuz I know you hang out with Chony, he's my cousin' HAHA what the fuck. Yeah I guess he goes to our school.. woops didn't know (x Niggas don't know a thang about me these days. I'm up and down. In and out. Black and white. Everything combined.

But right now I'm: Highly content.

-Christianne Holly Vedar Santiago.


Goodnight.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHAAAAHAAAAAHAAAAAAAA this was stupid but I LAWLED no lie

What

to do on Saturday... Hmmmskies. Kelly and Sam will be at homecoming I believe. J.lee and them are going to Noc.

So I guess that leaves little old Holly by her lonesome to do whatever the fuck she wants :)

Had

me worried sick the entire day -_- My sister texts me in the morning saying she got into a car accident? And she never replies to me wtf! Thank God she's okay though. I don't know what I'd do if her, or my nephews ever got hurt. <3

So I realized, ever since I tried smoking w/ Leon, Kelly, and Jurado, that it's being presented to me quite often haha. Like from Jeffrey and Matt last weekend. Then Jeff H. & Jeff M. kept asking me if I was down this weekend before the football game. Then Last midnight by Jurado.. It's like dayum haha! I usually turn it down though. or take like one hit that usually doesn't do much. Becks was telling me how it's annoying how our boys do it every dayish now. It's whatevs, if they're enjoying themselves, then do what makes you happy :) I supposee

Why

do people have to take their anger out on others? It's not like they deserve to acquire your pissed off mood as well. Idk, It's just something I noticed about our lives today. I mean, who wants pissed off people roaming around our streets on a daily? It's like a chain reaction of pissed off people all the time.

Mama left today, so I guess I'm mamaless for now.

I think it's great how I'm on my period (I asked Justin to take me to Target.. So I could get tampons HAHAHA) and I'm getting sick. This happened EXACTLY ONE MONTH AGO holy tits hahaha :( Oh well. Time to eat Pho every day. Oh what, TOO MUCH INFORMATION haha sorry :)

Today's the first day of Fall! And it's getting colder, so I guess it's almost boyfriend weather ahaha.

Yours Truly,

Christianne.

Time

for a bit of change.
Why not start with a haircut right?
I CHOPPED IT ALL OFF.
Lawls not, I've been known as "The girl with pretty long hair" since 7th grade; the world would chop my balls off.

I guess I need to learn how to discipline myself more too? According to my parents. Guess I could give it a try for once.

Oh and happy birthday babes :) I hope you enjoyed the card I spent till 2 making and the musubi I woke up an hour earlier for. HAHAHAHA<3333 I love you so much.

Sincerely, Holly.

Actually

got kinda pissed yesterday. Not really pissed, but I kept wanting to cry HAHAHAH what the fuck. Either Kelly's rubbing off on me or I'm just PMSing(x I wasn't under the influence of anything either. But I wasn't really mad, like on the inside I was happy still... WTF see can't stay angry for more than 5 seconds -___- I ended up playing bejeweled trying to beat Shawn and reading Alan's book "A Million Little Peices". Which is a hella good book that makes me never want to touch illegal substances again hahaha.

Yesterday made me super thankful that I have the best brother and sister in the world. They're like second parents, like fucking HOMIES that's forsure. Then makes me thankful I have my friends that are like brothers and sisters to me.. Even though J.lee pissed me off yesterday haha.

Got home pretty early yesterday. Aubrey kept calling me asking if I was coming. Said so and so was coming to get me then I was like wtf Frank's coming blablabla but I ended up staying home, and I'm glad I did because I taught a class this morning. So I decided I want my profession to be prior to children, cuz I'm fucking great with them. Haha :)

Kay gonna be random as fuck today and hang out with Jeffrey. What the fuck. Haven't been good friends with him since 7th grade. But him and Justin came over to eat Kogi till 12:30 in the morning the other day. Awesome.

-Miss Holly

"High

school's barely the beginning..."
-Cameron Lew

Something along those lines. But I was telling J.Lee in the car today how out of all the things that Cam says to me that stick to me the most, this gets me through alot.. And it reminds me to live right now to the fullest. So if I'm happy all the time, or not trippin' over the littlest things we all ponder over, blame it on Cam.

I never cry, but today I've been hella close. It's just hitting me that your leaving in about six hours. I remember when we first started talking you said that if you were to leave my life, it'd make no difference whatsoever. But now your leaving, and I feel like balls. Well I'ma keep this short, because I don't want this to be a goodbye type thing. I think I love you too much to lose contact with you... Yeah I "hate that I love you" When I visit the bay lets go to Berkely, it's my favorite place in the world.

"Goodnight babe love you even though we fight for nothing"

-Holly

Stop

wishing things were over. You're just going to make life go by so much faster but at the same time feel so much slower. In a way that'll make you miss everything. In the midst of everything I swear you'll miss something. Don't trip chocolate chip, you'll be fine :)

Thanks Matt for the great morning.

-Holly Flower, Holls, Cough Drops, Lil Lumpia, Baseball, Holl, Dimples, Holls Balls, GrassSmoker, Mom, Peach Pits, etc. etc. etc.

"Things

never work out the way you plan. That's why I don't tell anyone when I wanna talk to a girl or try getting at her..."
-J. Lee

So true. You can make plans but they may end in mishap. You can picture and plan how things are gonna be in the next month or so, but they'll end up being completely different than you imagined. So I realized that the best things happen on ACCIDENT. I always ACCIDENTALLY find the greatest people. Surprises are the best. Like Kelly and Justin coming over today 'till 10 watching A Walk To Remember and crying together. Or like Cam coming over at almost 1 in the morning, and sneaking him through my window just to talk and say bye again before he leaves Friday. Or how I'm webcamming w/ Fluff right now? See random as fuck but it's always best that way :) So let me live my life spontaneously for now. And I'll get through this month as gracefully as I can.

Minor

bumps in the road shouldn't phase anyone. When you let the littlest things engulf your entire life, you completely lose the meaning of alot of things. The more negative you perceive things to be, the worse they get. Guess that's why I'm "good luck" huh? So go ahead, bash me with your shit, you won't even put a dent on me. ^_^

-Holls Balls, GrassSmoker, Sicky Dicky?

And the nicknames just keep coming.

ps. yeah how do I get a hold of you? ahaha.

Only

mad when I'm drunk. I guess it's really true now! Hahaha Alan and Darren etc. are right. Except I wasn't really mad, just everything conjured up in my mind was catching up to me. And yaknow, I needed some Holly time too yadigg. So since idk how to get a hold of you, I'll apologize here. And hopefully you don't see it hella late. I'll probably just end up calling anyways but in case you don't pick up; yeah I'm sincerely sorry. Not saying hi or anything really was immature, and I can only partially blame it on being intoxicated. So on behalf of my concious self, I hope you accept my apology. Cuz I was talking to Fluff as I got home, and explained how as I sobered up I felt more and more bad about it... And idk if you cared but I do so yeah.

-your little girl

"negativity comes in fighting and i try my best to fight it and i know the key to happiness i just dont know how to apply it. i wish that i could buy it. so i could take it home and try it. if only it were a blunt and all i had to do was light it."

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW ^_^

BAHAHAHAHAHHHHHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHAA
i'm so gay
this is so cute
i love this song
i love it so much i'm prolly gonna get tired of it soon
hahhhhhhhhhha<3333333333333333333

but forreals, it reminds me of Berkeley, because we ate at this dope ass restaurant that hung cassette tapes everywhere :)

HEY

that was rude by the way! You know.









Anyways, I love my cousins :) They bring me back to who I am, to my natural "Jolly Holly" self. Yeah, I've earned that nickname from my friends but I guess you can say it's my cousins who contribute to that too. Thanks guys. Aye remember when we were like AYE LETS BLAZE BEFORE! hahaha that woulda been fun, but I'm kinda glad we went sober :) Actually REALLY glad cuz the food there's way too damn expensive!!! -____- See you in October/ ooVoo :)

-Mom/Hippy/Holls

eating

breakfast w/ jurado. He just ate spam with ranch and hair HAHAHA. soooo fucking tired from Disneyland. weekend with the family was awesome. beat some Thai guy at pong.. then ran off to visit Alex down the street and pissed everyone off cuz I didn't tell anybody. Went to bed at 5.. Went to Disneyland a couple hours later. Thanks guys :)

Hello

goodmornin' :)

That reminds me of Frankie and his flip up sunglasses keheh. Oh yeah he asked me to teach him how to play Uke/Guitar. I felt so honored ^_^ I think I may just be the world's best teacher. Cuz everyone I teach ends up being beast and plays all the time. example: Mark & Cam etc. hahaha. Just kidding I'm not that great.. But I'm excited for that.

Yesterday was fun. After staying up on the phone/webcamming tryna study and stay awake till 1:30 in the morning, I took my 4 tests, had KBBQ for the first time:), Justin & I serenaded Curtis to our songs which kept playing throughout the day, went on a fucking Walmart run! Soooo funny twas cute though hahaha, went to Rusty's and now Justin's girl wants to meet me, half owned at pong? Yeah I knocked a shit load over but idk no one was mad not even justin and we were about to win. They just looked at me and thought it was adorable or something -___- FMD. Went to school to pick up Justin's jacket with him. Was planning on sneaking out w/ him around 1 to go meet up with my cousin and his cousin (who ironically are dating? and are friends with Justin's best friend? fucking small ass world!) but by the time I called we were both to KTFO to get out.

So today's Matt's 18th birthday. I still miss seeing him at school. Seeing all the ex seniors at school, actually. I have no maneyy so I guess I'll just have to be creative today :)

-Lil Lumpia/Peach Pits/Peach Tits now?! <--- Thanks for the new nicknames Frank & Kellito.



"So even if God covets some stress that are piling up to the knee, I won't stop smiling cuz smiling is free"

Thanks

everyone who's been there. For advice, comfort, to eat with, study and webcam with, for reassurance, for good laughs..

Justin showed me this a couple minutes ago. The background music's a bit ironic, but I love this.



-Lil Lumpia aka PeachPits now? Hahaha goodnight.

bye forever.

So bubs visited me last night on his way back from the hospital.. I haven't seen him in like what a little over a month or so? I intended on spending plenty of time with you this summer, but I was busy with my own thing, and well so were you. Yet, somehow you were always there through it all, so thanks. Thanks for staying up late, random visits, saving me from crying,Thai food, etc. Thanks for being a rock for me too, I could always count on you; even saying the littlest things that were slightly sweet made the difference. Thanks for the one of the last things you told me too... "...highschool's nearly the beginning. Not even the beginning even..." So why waste it over thinking shit and stressing over the littlest things right? Yeah, and I remember promising I wouldn't get into trouble; I won't promise it but I swear I'll try :) I promise I won't smoke though, rape me and throw me in the ocean if I ever do, which I won't! Sorry for missing graduation, and your 18th birthday -_- I'll make it up to you one day. College graduation and 21st birthday? I'll be there. Hahaha. But thanks for making me happy I guess. As much as I know I piss you off, I love you and I'll miss you. I don't know why we argue like an old ass married couple. And why I irritate you and why you piss on my balls so much. But that's what made you awesome. Besides the chub that's not even there anymore. If your not too busy having your little webcam dates, squeeze me in! I don't care if I'll always be that little sophomore haha cuz I'm more than that. I'm your HOLLY nigga. So I'll never forget the time when you were like "Yeah, I'ma go, bye forever..." (like 5 minutes later) "Wait never mind I'm bored, Hi" HAHAHAHAHA :) Coolguy. Bye forever though, well hopefully you care to visit a bitch before you leave.. :) I'm debating on whether or not I should let you read this.. HMMMMMMMMMMMM...


Hm well Alan gives super good ass advice. He's the best metro best friend I've ever had haha Kellito agrees.. My dad and I are super chill now. Even though he got mad at me today, I love how shit's going. Shit he closed my window for me today, which has no screen cuz i took it out! But he didn't notice... woah haha.

Hm well look what song I found today, Guess who it reminds me of. Yeah, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! i kind of um miss you haha.


Ps. Ateh, I Love You. You write so much. It's hard to keep up with. But I did it. Hahaha. Keep your head up, I hope you know that your life is full, and you don't need those things to fill it. Keep your head up<3

Haven't

gone to church content in a while. I didn't feel all shitty from going out the night before, and I pheel all rested (= Yeah sorry for snoring so loud btw... Nah I'm not sorry haha, cuz you snore loud too.

So, I guess you can say I'm in a fickle state of mind. I'm happy, I'm not happy. So weird, I didn't even think Ivan noticed me at church today but he did. And he texted me saying I looked sad. Haha I guess it's apparent when I don't think anyone's watching... He's so sweet though, said it was OK cuz he'd treat me out for yogurt soon hahaha yay.

But I guess overall I'm happy most of the time. I really can't stay angry or anything for very long -__-

Oh, Alex and I are phrands now ^_^ I guess it comes with the territory of being me, cuz shit always has to work out nicely haha. It was kinda cute too. Repairing lost friendships and shit are the greatest. I took his pack of stoggies, and I really don't feel bad about it because it's something I should of tried doing while we were still dating and it probably would of worked. OH WELL never too late! Haha I'm awesome.. But I guess I learned you can't really give up on something great. Like great friendships. A lot of people I were really close to before I don't feel as close to now... and it's making me feel a bit off. Oh well, can't feel on top all the time.

OH AND HI ATEH, I'M REALLY GLAD YOU MADE ONE CUZ NOW WE CAN KEEP UP WITH EACH OTHER'S LIVES ^_^ KEHEHEHE

Just realized

I'm kind of scared for when my mom get's back. My dad and I are chill now, but I'm not too sure about my mom and I.. I'm never on good terms with both of them at the same exact time. We'll see then. I'm sure it'll be phineee though (=

Yeah but anyways, my cousin JR is fucking weird. HAHAHA. Not being a bitch or anything cuz I know I'm weird as fuck too, I'm told on a daily. But 1. He rolls his eyes and goes "ugh" like he's the shit. (maybe it's cuz he is the shit) 2. When he first met Stinky, all he did was stare him down and totally reject him HAHAHA 3. Now I'm at his house watching him make the THIRD video of himself in half an hour.. like he films himself doing shit pretending he's a newscaster and he's in the Hollywood Tower of Terror... Ask my boyfriend, he's the most interesting person to watch/ make fun of hahaha my brothers girlfriend, my boyfriend, and I made him cry HAHAHAHA.

AND THIS SONG JUST MAKES ME SO HAPPY ^_^ and so does Joseph Vincent.. So whabbamm orgasm for my heart right here<333

Yeah,

school's a fucking trip. Hahahaha I miss summer alot, but it had to end some time. That way when it comes back around I'll appreciate it 10 times more (=

OH SO GOT IN BIG ASS TROUBLE on Monday. HAHAHAHA. So I decided to throw a little KB and I thought everything would be cool after. NOPE. Didn't think people would throw their empty things of weed in my trash can, and like 5 big ass Bud Ice's either! And leave the beer in he fridge and freezer HAHAHAH which is entirely my fault actually cuz I should of checked. But anyways... I got into a shitload of trouble.. I've been staying at my Aunts after school every day...

But she's amazing. I swear she's so relatable to and she understands me completely.. she talked my dad into softening up. And after crying my eyes out my daddy and I squashed beef last night. And I think he trusts me. So now I think he's going to talk to my mom about not grounding me (= Yeah, everyone who said it was going to be alright, was right. Kehehe.

Well I got sick.. so I guess that's a bit of my karma there for you.

I wish my schedule was like last year, I miss walking everywhere with Sam.

I'll get used to this new routine though, it's pretty dope. Wake up in the morning a bit later than usual. Wait for Jurado to get here. Jurado irons his shirt. We eat cereal. He sleeps in my bed while I take the couch -__- and we listen to She & Him songs about 'riding alone on bicycles for two' ahahaha. And we eat cereal and Activia!!! THEN we go to my locker. Then to our 2nd periods which are right next to eachother. Then I meet him after and find my boyfriend<3 we go with Kellito to our 3rd period. I meet Becky after. We go to my locker and go to Mustang Update. LUNCH!... ETC. idk why I typed all of this out right now HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH, and I guess Tuesdays Ale and I have lunch dates (=

Whaddup Tho (=

I'd have to say I spent my last summer day and night here pretty well.
The beach was sort of a fail, but the hookah sesh in the car and talking with my boyfriend was great.
Fucked shit up at Frankies later tho (= Killed at BP. Ralph's friends are too scared to play me hahaha. Pigged out a shitload there. Took a nap w/ Mr. Fancy Pants instead of Stew, Cleaned the shit outta his kitchen and cut my finger off broken glass while i was doing it! Tried climbing the roof but ended up falling -__-

But great as way to end my summer.

I'd have to say this is the best summer I've had so far. I'm sad it's ending, but at the same time Frank reminded me that shiet.. WE GOT THEM WEEKENDS! Aye I'ma try really hard my junior year though.. If you see me slacking off and being a ritard, please slap me.

Thanks for the amazing summer. The tears, laughs, drunk texts, sober texts, late night phone calls, jam sesh's, failed covers, sushi, chill ass nights, BOMB ASS NIGHTS etc.




AND ISN'T HE ADORABLE?! his name's Luke Skywalker I want him<3

stuck

in my head.



ps. everything worked out wonderfully (=

My heart

just fucking broke

-____________-

AND NO KELLY'S CRYING TOO!




fuck that just killed me.

WINNER

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

I live for awkward moments. And I think today was the most awkwardest moment I've ever experienced ^_^

Well off to the beach house in a bit (=

I'M SO SURPRISED HE WAS OKAY WITH IT.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahhhahhahhhahaaaa

Yeah, I'm happy.

-Lil' Lumpia

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH

mazing ^_^

This turned me on times a thousand hahaha, I really don't know why.

ps. Kevin, if you ever see this, which you probably won't because you're in the Philippines; This reminds me of you (=

Quality

time.

I guess that's all anyone can ask for. Quality time with the people you love, and you'll be happy.

Whether it's Disneyland w/ your 11 year old nephew three days in a row, or cuddling under a tree 'till 2 in the morning ^_^

I'm glad I went to Disneyland today. With my amazing powers I got my mom to let me stay home, but something was bugging me; telling me the right thing would be to spend another day with Johann. And I'm really proud I did. I love him to death.

I haven't been the same w/o my babes. I miss her so much )= and we were talking today about how were not the same w/o eachother. I'm glad I have Johann here though, he's fucking hilarious (=
(YEAH AND BY THE WAY I DID NOT HAVE ZERO POINTS ON THAT PICTURE -___-)




And my Bee ended up calling me while I was playing Mario Kart with Johann.. I felt like my heart just got broken and it didn't even happen to me..
I guess when you really give your heart to someone you're giving them the opportunity to really devour everything you have inside you, depending on how much you let them in. But that's life right, a big bowl of risks and what would life be without terrible obstacles.

I love you<3

Sincerely,

Lil' Lumpia

So high

I started thinking super hard. Hahaha fuck... Idk anymore dawggggsss..

WARPED TOUR was amazing. Thank you Bryant for another bomb ass day.

I made him watch Never Shout Never with me ^_^
and he ended up making out with some chick!
I'M FUCKING GREAT ASS LUCK I swear bahaha.


My babes and I had a talk about how we've felt like we are going to drift when she comes back... We were thinking about it at the same exact fucking time when she mentioned it. But to be honest, I don't know what the titties I'd do without her.
"My other half, My right kidney, and My right ballsack" <3

YOUNG LUMPIA- out.

My last days in SF

were pretty amazing I'd have to say. And now I immensely miss my 2nd hometown.

It was a bittersweet feeling being there. Like when I pig out on junk food. So fucking good, but I feel terrible after -_- Yeah, I'm gay hahaha. I didn't realize how wanted I am. I know that sounds somewhat cocky but really haha. I'm just so glad I'm surrounded by so many sweet, and nice people in my life.

I AM BLESSED. That's all I gotta say. ^_^


I got to wittness a little peice of heartbreak on my last full day there. I guess you can say guys are pretty much ASSHOLES. My last full day there was kind of a downer. It started with my mom and I getting into a fight, after really trying to mend things back together with her. Then the asshole-fucking happened. Pretty much he pulled the whole "I was drunk, I don't remember anything" shit on her. Which is complete bullshit. My sister out of all people really doesn't deserve that. She's a strong, independent mother who has the most beautiful faith in God I've ever seen.. She really is an inspiration to me, I don't know what I'd do without her guiding me.

So it's like what the fuck, the Summer's coming to an end already?

But when I think about it, I'm going to be saying the same things when school's over. I'll be going over all the good ass memories, and all the things I've gone through and learned..

Oh, I texted him yesterday. Was fucking RANDOM. But for some reason, I couldn't be serious. I know I was supposed to be apologizing, but I just had to be myself. Cuz that's all I ever was with him. He doesn't want to talk or see me at all. But the fact that I got that off my chest, made me feel so much lighter.

KAY, NOW I'M READY TO TAKE ON THAT MOFUCKING WORLD >:) lawls.

Day 8 in SF.

I know it's the next day already, but being here gave me OCD for blogging about my day. Haha. How gay am I?

Overall, today was a good. Ass. Day.

I ended up spending the entire day with my sister. She's about 17 years older than me, but she's really my best friend. I got to be drunk in front of her today.. peculiar.. I tell her about everything on my mind, and she tells me everything on hers. It's like were in sync, all we can do is help regulate eachother's minds so they're at peace.

But she took me to get Chili's, got pedicures, & waxed our beastly eyebrows. Wonderful bonding time.

And I met the guy she likes. He was drunk too. Like DDDDDAAA-RUNK. Hahaha. It was pretty chill though. I mean I cock-blocked like no other LIKE USUAL. LIKE I ALWAYS END UP DOING. I MEAN THIS IS THE SECOND TIME THIS SUMMER I'VE BEEN IN THE SAME ROOM/ PREMISES OF TWO PEOPLE MAKINT OUT RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. HAHAHA -___- I ended up having to piss and calling my boyfriend about it. Aw, it was absolutely wonderful hearing her voice ^_^

(Adding this on cuz my sister told me to.. WE WALK INTO THE THEATAER AND THERE THERE TWO PEOPLE LIKE HARDCORE MAKING OUT AHAHA THEY'RE ALL ON TOP OF EACHOTHER AND SHIT.. I'm like the ultimate cock block<3)

Oops back to my thingy, ADD MUCH? Fuck I can't even focus on what I'm talkin about...

It's almost 4:00.. Haha gotta text Drew soon..

ANYWAYS, holy fuck me -____- what am I talking about.. hahaha oh yeah. He's really nice. He's Tongan. It's like Samoan but TEN TIMES BETTER! Oh my.. Hahaha. He has this cool ass accent. It's adorable ^_^ He's really down to earth too..

I met alot of really down to earth people this Summer.. or got alot closer to people. Honestly every day's just another learning experience. I'm taking a step each day. But with every step I take into consideration what I may be learning and what I can take out of it.

I'll cut this short now. I hope no one reads this. Because this sounds like complete fucktard out of my asshole.. HAHAHA.

OMA ATU (=
It means, I Love You, in Tongan.

Goodnight.

Finally getting to read..

Sister and Booger Nephews.

My beautiful and my new Tongan friend!

Day 7 in SF.

It's Friday now, and I'll be missing out once again on all my Walnut babies' wonderful adventures.

Surprisingly, I'm okay with that. I miss everyone dearly, but I realized that I'm loved over here also. It's nice knowing that you can go somewhere almost 7 hours away, and still receive that heartwarming, unconditional love that you get back home.

I can say forsure that I've made the most of my stay here so far. I didn't let myself pout and argue like I did last time. I learned that looking at the brighter side of shit always makes the world a little brighter. As an adolescent, I just have to make the most of what I have.

I went shopping for fucking FIVE HOURS today hahaha. And spent like $205 -_- I hate American Apparel, but I had to get that stupid hoodie. I hate Urban, and Forever 21 hahaha. Thank you Grandma and Grumps for the money ^_^

Got to spend some quality time with my sister today. She let me finish watching Kickass (GOOD ASS MOVIE! AHAHAHA), and picked me up to go to church with her. For some reason when I go to church with my sister I can't take anything seriously. The entire time I ended up trying to speak Spanish and talking about how cool the preists accents were. After mass I met the guy she liked ^_^ He's so nice.. And of course my sister deserves the best of the best. She made me sing and harmonize with her in front of him. He didn't beleive we were sisters, because we honestly don't look alike. At all. MMM THEN WE HAD YUMMY AS SUSHI AND MOCHI!! Gahd I'm being rushed again. Thats probably why this sounds like complete nonsense... Hahaha KAY BYE BOOGERS.

Day 6 in SF.

If you've spent time with me, or spent time just talking to me, you find out that I am one of the most fickle, indecisive people you will ever meet. I want one thing, then I want the other. I don't have one thing, I want it. Thats why I love being up and about, it distracts me from all the contemplative shit that goes on in my mind..

My uncle took my cousin and I to go look at colleges today. Colleges that I probably won't get into, but then again there's no harm in trying (= SFstate's actually pretty nice, I've wanted to go live in San Francisco my entire life. I've had my life set on moving out here for some odd reason. It doesn't make sense because 1. Where exactly will I live? 2. The weather kills me. 3. I ALWAYS get sick out here, or anywhere in general -_- and 4. It's getting more expensive and congested every day. Then we visited this Catholic school I didn't care for, San Fran University? And we headed to Berkley. Oh my FUCK it's beautiful there. The people dress cutely. They hold wonderful protests and what not. What more can I ask for? My sister told me not to go, that it'd only get my hopes up and what not. But getting your hopes up isn't so bad.. I mean you have to get beat down to appreciate all the wonderful, and unexpected things that happen to you right? KAY and the city of Berkley. Holy jizz. I think I fell in love because they have all these hippy stands and cultural stores everywhere. AND A SANDWICH PLACE THAT HANGS CASSETTE TAPES EVERYWHERE. hahaha.

I'm sorry for missing your birthday today, bubs. You're confusing. You're mad at me for missing your birthday, then your not. You're exactly like me I don't know when your just fucking around or not -___- hahaha. I actually do feel bad. I really don't know why. It's not like were really that close as we were anymore. But I still love and care about you. I hope you have a great ass 18th. Shit eighteen.. haha, and you're only 18 once.

Day 5 in SF.

As much as I hate being MIA from everything, my bubs reminded me that I have two more years of high school left. Taking 10 days off of what I'll be doing all school year isn't bad at all. (=
Today my gay uncle, I think he's gay, took us to this authentic Thai restaurant. Reminded me of the first time my bubs and I hung out.. Why do I keep mentioning my bubs -__- hahaha. Anyways, twas pretty good. Johann and I found gift shops and what not. Weird ass things in there.. hahaha and then there were some black people outside of the jewelry store and I got scared for some reason.. hahaha. Every time the wind blew I'd get a whiff of weed.. haha good ol' San Fran (=
We went to my uncle's pad after. It's fucking tight. He's a hipppy. That's how I wanna live when I'm old. Kay well I was gonna write more but uhh... THEY'RE RUSHING ME K BYE hahahahaha

Day 4 in SF.

Went biking today at San Mateo. The weather was a fucking PERFECT 70. Holy jizz.. I thought it was cute cuz Mateo reminded me of Matthew = Matt D. (= Who's been extra mean to me lately but admitted he missed me, and said that no one could possibly be as cute and babyish as i am. Just cuz I was playing Halo with my cousins and I finally let my nephew have a turn.

But the biking was intense. The weather was wonderful the problem was I decided to wear jeans and a friggin flannel ahaha. 6 miles and the last mile was this intense ass hill. But it was all worth it, cuz going down the hill after makes you feel like your flying. One of the best feelings in the world..

So me and my bubs had this intense ass conversation today. Pretty much admitted alot of shit that should of been said like the BEGINNING of the summer -_- And it pretty much mindfucked me hahaha but the only person who knows is my boyfriend.. (Who by the way did the meanest thing to me today! I hate you haha...) But anyways, I'm gonna miss arguing with you. I hate arguing with people, but arguing and fighting with you is just so great. I'm thinking it's too late, I'm told it's not too late. WHAT THE TITTIES?! Can't I just be at peace with my mind while I'm on vacation?

Nope, I remember like one Summer I went to Hawaii, after 7th grade. And my ex-boyfriend kept asking for me back HAHAHAHA. I was like WHAT THE FUCK LEAVE ME ALONE -____________- hahahaha it's funny now that I look back on it(x

Day 3 in SF.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S ONLY MONDAY )=
as I've been saying all day... I'll come home in about a week, but by the time I come back, my babes is gone for the south. We've been inseparable all summer, up until now. I miss my boyfriend/babes, my kidney, my badass, my bubs, my panda...

Today we walked my cousins' dog Bailey, and I played tennis. I'm not as bad as I thought I was ^_^
We watched Freedom Writers (GOOD ASS MOVIE) and they rented Alice in Wonderland for me, which i remember was supposed to watch high with my boogerfaces a long ass time ago haha..

Day 2 in SF.

I love the world. Not to be overly optimistic or anything. I just think it's cool how you NEVER run out of things to do or try. Or wonderful people to be with. I tried one of those two seater bikes today; it's been on my summer to-do list since last summer. (=

I could honestly picture myself living up here in the Bay. People are so friendly, some random guy kept saying "Hi, nice to see you" to me. Hahaha. I wish Walnut had a Goldengate Park.

Day 1 in SF.

Yesterday the most wonderful thing happened, and now I may possibly get the puppy I've always wanted (= Cross your fingers for me!




My cousins and nephews are boogerfaces ^_^

Adorable.

I can honestly say this song reminds me of all the wonderful people I've spent my summer with (=

On that same note;

I've always thought that missing people was by far one of the worst feelings in the world. I don't know why. I hate attachment, but I just fall in love with people so fast. And it's like, they fill your heart. But I understand that drifting apart and what not is a natural occurrence. I just hate that feeling of emptiness when you miss someone.

Then again, it's a great ass feeling. When you miss someone you realize how much you really love them. You only really thing about the POSITIVE. We're so pessimistic, I don't understand what the point of focusing on the negative all the time is. And when you finally get to see or spend time with that person, it's this big orgasm of AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW I MISSSSSSSSSSEDDDDD YOUUUUUUUUU ^_^ Like how I am with my boyfriend kehehehe.

I shaw my brother today. Not really my brother, it's just J.Lee haha. But yeah we hung out for like two hours but I swear I love him to death sometimes. Even if he dickslapped me with bean bag alligator and farted right next to me.. twice..

I miss

you.

I understand your occupied. But you're leaving. At this rate you'll be right, and I probably will forget you. Didn't mean to replace you if that's what you think. You just haven't been around.

I'll probably keep you in mind for a while, but good luck over there (=

state of mind

unbalanced.

Why am I so damn irritable all of a sudden?

It's not like me. It's like someone pulled the soul out of my ass and replaced it with this peice of shit impatient mo'fuckah HAHAHA.

Things to keep in mind:
1. Can't keep bottling shit up
2. Stop being so STUBBORN
3. Why do I have sucha potty mouth -_- hahah

I thank God for all the people and things who seem to bring me closer to my own personal serenity again. You guys make me sho happy ^_^ bahaha.

Colorgenics = Slightly Mindfu**ing

I stole this off of my Carmeanie's blog, but it sounded interesting so I tried it. I didn't think it'd be true at all but I can guarantee you'll get a good mindfucking out of this. Haha try it (=

Name: Christianne Holly Santiago
Date: Tuesday 27th 2010f July 2010 09:35:20 PM
Colorgenics Number: 2/6/3/5/4/0/7/1/

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You are feeling exhausted, worn out, drained. You feel that far too much is being asked of you but you still want to overcome these difficulties and establish yourself despite the effect such an effort seems to have on you. You are a proud person, assertive most of the time, but at this particular moment you are acting as if you have become resigned to the situation. What you need is some tender loving care - a gentle pat on the head (or maybe a 'kick-up-the backside') and then you'll be raring to go.

You enjoy taking part in anything that may constitute fun and excitement. You need to be stimulated and need to feel that 'Life is worth living' and you are awaiting that stimulation and you don't particularly care where it comes from!

You need a friend - a close friend - and you are willing to become emotionally involved with the right person, but you are very demanding and particular in your choice of partners. You are constantly looking for reassurance and it is perhaps because of this that you tend to be somewhat argumentative, but you try to hold back - careful to avoid open conflict - since this might reduce your prospects of realising your hopes of establishing a warm caring relationship.

You are feeling really bogged down and extremely stressed. This is perhaps due to the desire for personal independence which has been evading you for some time now. An existing situation or relationship is causing you to be extremely restless and you feel that you are unable to change the situation without co-operation. You are unwilling to expose your vulnerability and therefore you consider it inadvisable to display affection or be over demonstrative. You regard this relationship as a depressing tie, but although you want to be independent and unhampered, you do not want to risk losing anything. All this leads you to react touchily and with impatience, while the urge to get away results in considerable restlessness: your ability to concentrate may suffer.

The stress that you are experiencing at this time is due to the present situation - a situation of your own making. But trying to ignore it, hoping that it will go away, will only aggravate it further. What you need to do is to slow down - to relax and re-think the situation and by going slow, you may be amazed to find that most of your problems will resolve themselves.

What If We Dated?!

HAHAHAHA. This post is dedicated to my best friend, Kevin Patrick Esguerra<3 You asked me earlier "AYE WHAT IF WE DATED?!" So there explains the title(x So Kevin, I write this post as I talk to you on the phone July 27 1:22 AM. Pretty damn late, but I remember when I met you last summer, we were probably in this same situation all ITCHY and TIRED but still on the phone with eachother. Haha.

I'd have to say, this summer really has kind proved our bestfriendship. I'm sincerely sorry we've somehow drifted, but at the same time we passed our test don't you agree? We can never really truly drift because 1. STREAK NEVER ENDS and 2. It's just physically and internally impossible.

Hearing you right now just made me so much happier(= I called, and told you about my shitty ass day. But towards the end it slowly mended itself back together. (AND BY THE WAY. YOU JUST ASKED ME "HAVE YOU EVER MASTERBATED BEFORE BEST FRIEND?...IDK I JUST WANTED TO ASK..) HAHAH WHAT THE TITTIES?! but anyways, thanks for always being there. For all my heartbreaks, for all my tears, for your favorite jacket that I forgot at my friend's house hahahha.

By the way, I'm glad your happy :) But, you can't replace me! (you know!) HAHAHAHA. i love you best friend k bye<3

Moments of Doubt

Kay, so you have those moments where you're like "Alright I'ma do this, I got this... KAY NEVER MIND"
-_______________-

If anything, I wanna shove those moments up the nearest person's butt and hope it never comes out. Sorry to whoever that person is.

It's been lately that I've realized, what if I let those moments overpower me every single time I have them?

ex. 1: I was doing so terrible in my US History class. I swear I felt like the dumbest little nut alive. I don't know what kept me in that class, 3 kids already dropped out. I knew I'd have a chill ass summer and I'd be able to sleep in every day. But something inside me had me convinced that I'd regret it. Yeah, I had a D till the last week of first semester, but I raised that shit up two letter grades before the week was over. I had the support of my boys who so nicely encouraged me to stay, but it was the fact that I blocked out all the negative shit, all the "YOU CAN'T"s and what not.

ex. 2: So one of my friends proposed an idea to go to Top of the World (veiw) and wait there 'till sunrise. Yeah, being me, I impulsively just say yes. It sounded like a fun idea even though I didn't know how the eff I was going to convince my mother to let me out of the house that early/late. One Friday I decided I had to do it, I'd just walk out the side of my house and GTFO. Of course I thought it through morally, and I felt bad for a split second. But then I remembered that I'm not an old lady, I'm only 15 and life was made to be lived to it's fullest. We were supposed to take risks even though it may end in mishap; can't expect everything to go according to plan. I'd have to say going ninja status and being nervous out of my mind, was completely worth it. I remember saying that night that I finally felt "at peace with myself"...

I know it all sounds a bit cliche, but take it into consideration. These are only two recent examples, and every time I hesitate to do something I always think of times like these. It doesn't really matter what it is. If it's something you've never tried, some place you've never gone to, or someone you like, get the stick out of your ass that's stopping you and go for it (=