In the midst

of my spring break and I'd have to admit, everything's going great... Minus some bumps in the road. But I guess you can say I've learned to not let a lot of things bother me. Or seem to bother me.

But when you go with the flow.. and not try to control every little aspect of your life.. you learn to really love what you have, where you are, and who you're with.

That's all I have to say for right now; but I pray to God I make the right decisions. And everything else works out fine. Not necessarily in my favor, but fine.

The Month of January

I'd have to say it's "The Month of Finally Letting Things Out".

I spent an entire year keeping things in. And even when I'd THINK I've let my feelings out, I haven't even gotten close. But this time I think I hit that point.

Today was the first day I legitimately vented EVERYTHING that was bothering me today to people.

For the first time in a while I heard people say "You look sad.." or "Holly what's wrong..?" Cuz I always have a damn smile on.

But really, I'm happy (: And Matt brought my chilli cheese fries for dinner, heh<3


Btw I feel really mean haha :( Guess it's just part of the whole process..

Thanks,

for everyone's prayers. Because through these rough times my family and I really need them.

It's January now and the first two weeks I've found myself to be extremely busy and distracted. I'm balancing school, church, rehearsals, friends, and family (but multiply it by like ten), all at the same time.

But through all of this, I've managed to be real happy for some reason.

I think it's something I've picked up from my uncle over the years. He always had a smile on his face, a joke to tell, a bright side to look at...


So to my Ninong, I'd like to say thank you so much for everything. I wish I'd talked to you more and spent more time with you this past year.. But I'm glad I've gotten to see you before that. Out of all my relatives you were the one to take care of me, pick me up, and drop me off the most. I can't thank you enough and I can't express my love you to in any way right now except in faith that some how up there you can read my blog bahah.. I cried at the hospital when I saw you, and I'm crying now as I write this. I always avoid saddness, but I can't help but to be sad right now. I promise I'll teach JR everything you've taught me. I pray every day that my heart could be as kind as yours, because yours was so sincere. I'm so blessed to have you in my life and to have spent my childhood and youth with you. You'll forever be in my heart.. and maybe soon I'll accept that fact that you're gone. Because I still pretend that you're simply just at home, watching some Filipino channel like any normal day. (ps. sorry for slamming the door on your hand that one time.. I still feel real bad...)


This past December & January I've learned the importance of FAMILY. And I can't complain that I didn't get to go to Tao, or some amazing New Years party because I spent mine how it should be spent; With my family who's always been there and will always be there.



Other than everything that's going on. I like the simplicity of my life.. how I don't have to contemplate about anything right now. Thank the Lord for it.

Love

good ass weekends.

Friday: After being Cinderella, girl's night (: Ate at Elephant Bar and talked about our futures and what I should do. Fuck what my parents say and what they expect of me. Fuck boys that are stupid and can't carry out an intellectual conversation with you! HAHAHA. We went to Barnes and Nobles, I love book stores. And watched Due Date, so funny ^____^ "What? FUCK YOU!"

Saturday: Woke up and taught class, had a wonderful conversation with Jennine. For the first time I feel like the OLDER sister in the relationship instead of the baby. The wonderfulness of my life, Kevin, came to visit me. And we had a wonderful conversation about relationships. I'm glad he's okay(: Went with Marvin, Kelly, and Jeffrey to LA (China Town and Little Tokyo which I've never been to), and got myself a hookah. Well Jeffrey did ^_^ If you're reading this, you're the best ahahaha<3 Then went to Pasedina & snuck ourselves in to watch Black Swan, which was the trippiest, most insane movie ever. I guess if I were a guy I'd find it highly enjoyable at some parts... But then I ended the night w/ Kells & Jeffs eating my lumpia, and having yet another chill conversation w/ Steven and Tyler.

Sunday: Free ice skating, bowling, and food w/ Kelly and her family (: I didn't fall bahaha HELL YES. Went to Portos, and went shopping in Glendale Galleria which I've never been to. Resulted in me getting introuble by my mom and missing church. But I had a good cry in the back seat and I feel wonderful now ^_^ haha. Met this girl who thought I was 18, but she's hooking me up with a free tat(:

All in all. Great weekend. And I only wrote all the details down because my babes wrote me a letter the other day. And it reminded me of all that good ass sober fun we used to have...



I STILL REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY WANNA SEE THIS ^_^ can't wait till bubs comes.

A little

bit crazy. My life and my mind's been all over the place. But after this weekend I can really say I'm "organically happy".

I spent the most amazing carefree weekend with my family. The past times I've left for SF I'm always dreading the fact that I'm missing out back at home... But I realize that when I'm back at home I'm just missing out on my famly there.

It feels amazing to know that wherever I go; I can take a 7 hour drive and when I get there I'll receive the same amount of love, if anything more, than I have when I'm home.

If there's anything I realized it's that my life really is never lacking... There's always that sense of adventure. And I'm so blessed for it. Things don't always go my way so I can't pout about it... just gotta you know, DO SOMETHING.

My life's turning upside down, inside out... My ankle's healed now, and I think I am too.

How

far can a girl take it before she learns her lesson?

Get caught throwing a kickback
Die off of bud brownies
My first ticket and court date
Get caught lieing and get stitches for a cut open ankle
Get caught sneaking out the next day

And now I'm finally done.

Being stubborn gets me through alot. It helps me persevere through the hard times and get through with a smile on my face.

But at the same time it's gotten me into alot of trouble.

It was fun while it lasted, but reality has to drive by again. Except this time it crashed into me instead of gracefully stopping by.



Just gotta get through this best that I can, I'll be good (:



This'll keep me good for about two weeks. Hahaha.

It's

human nature. To want what you don't have. To take for granted what you do have. To want more, or to have less in some circumstances.

I miss old days.

I'm making the most of these days, and I kind of love it.

-Christianne Holly Santiago